12 November 2012

uranus/moon insanity

omg, mercury retrograde. facebook hates me. also my phone kinda. and this dang rehashing of... shit. sighs.

that's one thing on my mind. the other thing is uranus. more specifically, uranus in the birth chart. even more specifically, aspects that uranus may make to the moon. it's such a... clashing. such a clashing of energies. two very different things being sort of forced into this relationship. i feel like even the "good" aspects like a trine in this case is still... erratic. vacillating. deep and aloof at the same time. longing for closeness but actively ignoring, pushing away.

and then you have my moon/uranus aspect: inconjunct. the exception, i think, to the clashing, but it presents its own set of problems. they CAN'T be smooshed together. it's just two totally different parts of me, my blind spots of sorts. my moon is up in the 8th house, so it goes down deep but there are always concerns. a fascination with death, and not in a suicidal way or anything (at least not currently), just... that. fascination. it's also where my fear lives, and my deep, deep attachments to others. does that sound scary? it feels scary sometimes. but it's just how i've always been. sometimes i think of the eighth house as just a dark room. pitch black. well, maybe a little bit of light shining in from an unknown source. or a nightlight. 

come to think of it, the moon would have been just the slightest crescent in the sky, as i was born right after a new moon. black except for a sliver of light.

then, uranus, which my moon can't see. uranus which is also conjunct my mars. i'm sudden and erratic sometimes and slightly prone to emotional outbursts, and my blood boils. and i say mean things. it's destructive. uranus can be destructive. and mars is just the warrior. it's gone as soon as it comes on. they are never unprovoked, though... and that's where i see the inconjunct. it's something i can't connect, or struggle to, rather. that part of me with my dark moon. getting a glimpse of something there, usually to do with a significant other, that they're not telling me. i always pick the emotionally unavailable types... which is why i was thinking of uranus and the moon in the first place. in relationships, and how it adds a dimension of just not knowing. thinking you do, but then you pull back or the other pulls back and it's just... unsettling.

i know that i have a degree of this as well. most likely why i attract it.

so far the steps i see to overcoming it (and these are very preliminary): speaking. or writing. or just thinking. quiet. not expecting mind reading on either side, aka not assuming. for me, specifically: not exploding. waiting to speak. writing before speaking, to clear out all the shit from my veins. in other words... outlets.

how's your uranus/moon treating you? or... how are you treating it?

edited to add this excellent article on the moon, uranus, and relationships: sasstrology

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