"the square is agony"

About a month ago I was jotting down some random thoughts on the Astrological aspect of the square, in my phone. Actually... exactly a month ago. Hmm. Obviously I was frustrated while writing it, as it reads like this:

The square is agony.

Self inflicted?

Choices seem impossible.

Can't get out of my own way.

What to do? What to strive for?

Wanting conflicting things.

No balance like an opposition.

It's like an awkward poem. And yeah, it sounds kinda doom-and-gloom. It could be spun another way. And I do think that there are beneficial aspects of the square. It does create action (conflict) within oneself. I think that it is seeking, as opposed to a trine which is more about receiving. Less work, but there can also be less appreciation with a trine- almost an entitled sense. I feel the square truly does appreciate. Appreciates it when things go their way! ha.

The square is near and dear to my heart because my chart is FILLED with them. Let me count... sixteen. Without counting my asteroids and Ascendant/Midheaven, it's down to eight. This is mainly because I have a lot of Pisces and Sag in my chart (although I do have a Venus/Neptune one as well, but in different signs). Pisces and Sag are both mutable. There are definitely, definitely similarities between the two. I relate very much to both signs. 

But that angle does create tension. I'm forever weighing choices, I DO get in my own way, and I even daresay an element of self-sabotage. Like what I wrote in my previous post, about what Doreen Virtue had said, about the ego not wanting you to believe that you're already good enough.

Getting down to the technicalities- a square is a 45* angle. They most commonly occur between signs of the same quality- cardinal, fixed, and mutable.One of each element occurs within each quality. It's like having different ways of dealing with something, having the square in your chart. Clashing perspectives that can leave you gridlocked.

What helps me a lot with this aspect is writing, journaling. Getting the crazy thought process out of my head and onto paper (or the interwebz). It lets me be more objective, and see what may be mental noise more than anything. Meditation can help that stress, as well...

The free way to see if you have a lot of squares, or any aspect, in your chart, is to mosey on over to astro (the "extended chart selection" page) and draw up a free chart, then cruise to the bottom of the page. You'll see a grid with the info, and from there you can google the aspect itself or the individual squares. For example, Mercury square Uranus, like in the chart below (not mine- just an example chart. :) ). Oh, and I like to select "draw aspect lines to Chiron." :)

What aspects do you notice in yourself, and how do you make them work for you?