26 April 2013

On Decisions

I have some decisions to make that are haunting me. Or in reality, they may be things I want to do that so far I am too chicken to do. Does that make sense? And they are only being proposed as decisions in my mind, where I am in the middle splashing about wondering WHAT to do, but I know what I want to do and am resisting it?

I don't know if it matters. Either way, I get caught up in the agony of my situation, and for too long now have been brushing it off, "I'll think about it later" and later never comes, and the frustration simply grows! It's a trap.

There was a lunar eclipse last night, Sun in Taurus, Moon in Scorpio. This eclipse occurred in my first house. House of self. I have Saturn transiting there as well. The way I see myself is changing. The way I want to be is changing.

Taking a chance. Making a decision is about taking a chance. It's scary for someone like me, with a Taurus moon that longs for security, safety, knowing.

And I've been putting too much pressure on myself to decide. Which obviously only freezes things up. So I am trying to relax. Not forcing myself, but letting myself arrive. One layer at a time. Not everything right this instant.

I set myself a goal. By the end of August I will know. So there is time. There is time to begin to slowly uproot myself. I can't live with myself if I choose anything otherwise. The price I'm paying to not think about decisions I have to make has gotten too high.

I know this is a bit... cryptic. Sorry. :) I've been neglecting this blog so, and I've been feeling the urge to start blogging again semi-regularly.

Do you have any decisions to make? How is your process? Always happy to hear your thoughts.

the buddha moon.