On Decisions

I have some decisions to make that are haunting me. Or in reality, they may be things I want to do that so far I am too chicken to do. Does that make sense? And they are only being proposed as decisions in my mind, where I am in the middle splashing about wondering WHAT to do, but I know what I want to do and am resisting it?

I don't know if it matters. Either way, I get caught up in the agony of my situation, and for too long now have been brushing it off, "I'll think about it later" and later never comes, and the frustration simply grows! It's a trap.

There was a lunar eclipse last night, Sun in Taurus, Moon in Scorpio. This eclipse occurred in my first house. House of self. I have Saturn transiting there as well. The way I see myself is changing. The way I want to be is changing.

Taking a chance. Making a decision is about taking a chance. It's scary for someone like me, with a Taurus moon that longs for security, safety, knowing.

And I've been putting too much pressure on myself to decide. Which obviously only freezes things up. So I am trying to relax. Not forcing myself, but letting myself arrive. One layer at a time. Not everything right this instant.

I set myself a goal. By the end of August I will know. So there is time. There is time to begin to slowly uproot myself. I can't live with myself if I choose anything otherwise. The price I'm paying to not think about decisions I have to make has gotten too high.



I know this is a bit... cryptic. Sorry. :) I've been neglecting this blog so, and I've been feeling the urge to start blogging again semi-regularly.

Do you have any decisions to make? How is your process? Always happy to hear your thoughts.

the buddha moon.

tiny buddha link, and fear of making the wrong decisions.

Tiny Buddha is an interesting and enlightening website that I don't read nearly enough, but sometimes a link of theirs pops up on my facebook newsfeed that catches my eye... and this was one of them! I can definitely relate to this author, Alana Mbanza, as I try to figure out the next steps of my life (and feel totally flooded with conflicting thoughts and feelings), as she does with deciding whether or not to go to Korea:

"I realized that the issue isn’t about being afraid to go to Korea. The real issue is that I have an overall fear of making the “wrong” decisions in my life.

Interestingly enough, I also realized that this brand of fear directly coincides with my decision to live a more purposeful and spiritually centered life.

(Record stops.)

Huh? I embarked upon this journey hoping to find inner peace, bliss, rainbows, and unicorns and I actually seem to be experiencing more negative emotions than before. Seems counter-intuitive right?

Not exactly.

What I’ve been interpreting as an increase in negative emotions can more accurately be described as a greater sensitivity to myself. I’m “hearing” the messages my mind, body, and spirit are trying to tell me because I’ve made a conscious decision to listen."

You can read the rest of Alana's article here. I'd highly recommend it!