"the square is agony"

About a month ago I was jotting down some random thoughts on the Astrological aspect of the square, in my phone. Actually... exactly a month ago. Hmm. Obviously I was frustrated while writing it, as it reads like this:

The square is agony.

Self inflicted?

Choices seem impossible.

Can't get out of my own way.

What to do? What to strive for?

Wanting conflicting things.

No balance like an opposition.

It's like an awkward poem. And yeah, it sounds kinda doom-and-gloom. It could be spun another way. And I do think that there are beneficial aspects of the square. It does create action (conflict) within oneself. I think that it is seeking, as opposed to a trine which is more about receiving. Less work, but there can also be less appreciation with a trine- almost an entitled sense. I feel the square truly does appreciate. Appreciates it when things go their way! ha.

The square is near and dear to my heart because my chart is FILLED with them. Let me count... sixteen. Without counting my asteroids and Ascendant/Midheaven, it's down to eight. This is mainly because I have a lot of Pisces and Sag in my chart (although I do have a Venus/Neptune one as well, but in different signs). Pisces and Sag are both mutable. There are definitely, definitely similarities between the two. I relate very much to both signs. 

But that angle does create tension. I'm forever weighing choices, I DO get in my own way, and I even daresay an element of self-sabotage. Like what I wrote in my previous post, about what Doreen Virtue had said, about the ego not wanting you to believe that you're already good enough.

Getting down to the technicalities- a square is a 45* angle. They most commonly occur between signs of the same quality- cardinal, fixed, and mutable.One of each element occurs within each quality. It's like having different ways of dealing with something, having the square in your chart. Clashing perspectives that can leave you gridlocked.

What helps me a lot with this aspect is writing, journaling. Getting the crazy thought process out of my head and onto paper (or the interwebz). It lets me be more objective, and see what may be mental noise more than anything. Meditation can help that stress, as well...

The free way to see if you have a lot of squares, or any aspect, in your chart, is to mosey on over to astro (the "extended chart selection" page) and draw up a free chart, then cruise to the bottom of the page. You'll see a grid with the info, and from there you can google the aspect itself or the individual squares. For example, Mercury square Uranus, like in the chart below (not mine- just an example chart. :) ). Oh, and I like to select "draw aspect lines to Chiron." :)

What aspects do you notice in yourself, and how do you make them work for you?

healing and neutralizing links for grumpiness

To start I just wanted to say thanks to the people who read this!

I was looking at my stats and it's so cool to see that there's people from all over who visit. :) It makes me really happy!

I've been on a bit of a YouTube kick lately. I wanted to share some of the videos I particularly enjoyed. I hope you like them, too.

The always-fabulous Doreen Virtue on moving forward with your life's dreams. I found the part about how your ego doesn't want to allow you to feel fully prepared/qualified especially interesting- food for thought. :)

This was pretty cool. I'm not sure if everyone would enjoy the bliss coded sound, but I did- but I also need a fan or rain sounds app to sleep, haha.

Another Doreen Virtue one! This one is a chakra clearing meditation. My base, heart, and third eye chakras are my top three to work on at the moment! Love what she says about the base- "Learning to earn money WITHOUT suffering." Now that's a goal I need to move toward...

Sometimes I just like to have stuff like this on, just as background noise... I'll still pick up little bits and pieces that help.

Anyway- hope y'all enjoy. I want to do some more research on SAD treatment, as well- I'm a Northerner and I've become more conscious of my mood shifting since we've had shorter days. I'm grumpy. Heh. So is my kid...

I've been out of touch with my Astrology stuff, lately. I think that whole ego thing is part of it... I'll write more later. xo.

you guys, i'm on a website

if you want, you can check it out here: TruthPeaceLove :)

and here's my page. because i know you're dying to see it. ;)

this is really a sneak preview, as it hasn't OFFICIALLY launched yet, but we're close. i'm excited. wanted to share! 

and now, to go back to thinking of a topic to write about... 

fall.

mad world

new moon time. scorpio sun, scorpio moon. intention and ritual time, as carried over from last month's new moon which occurred while taking an astrology class. finding one of each was our homework for the new moon...

it serves kind of as a reevaluation, reflection AND thinking forward. emphasized by the mercury rx (retrograde), i think. reevaluating where you've been the past month, or two weeks, and where you want to go from your present state. makes me think of goal setting, on a personal level. can be the first step of a long term goal or something you want to work on just for the month.

so far i've smudged my home, and myself. clearing. that's the ritual i chose last month from class. i like it. it's methodical, physical, very grounding. clearing out my home of anything stale, leftover. neutralizing. same with me. it sounds hippie dippie, but i like it.you can do whatever you want, though. :)

i'm still not sure of my intention. i have a few ideas though.

and happy diwali!

festival of lights!

uranus/moon insanity

omg, mercury retrograde. facebook hates me. also my phone kinda. and this dang rehashing of... shit. sighs.

that's one thing on my mind. the other thing is uranus. more specifically, uranus in the birth chart. even more specifically, aspects that uranus may make to the moon. it's such a... clashing. such a clashing of energies. two very different things being sort of forced into this relationship. i feel like even the "good" aspects like a trine in this case is still... erratic. vacillating. deep and aloof at the same time. longing for closeness but actively ignoring, pushing away.

and then you have my moon/uranus aspect: inconjunct. the exception, i think, to the clashing, but it presents its own set of problems. they CAN'T be smooshed together. it's just two totally different parts of me, my blind spots of sorts. my moon is up in the 8th house, so it goes down deep but there are always concerns. a fascination with death, and not in a suicidal way or anything (at least not currently), just... that. fascination. it's also where my fear lives, and my deep, deep attachments to others. does that sound scary? it feels scary sometimes. but it's just how i've always been. sometimes i think of the eighth house as just a dark room. pitch black. well, maybe a little bit of light shining in from an unknown source. or a nightlight. 

come to think of it, the moon would have been just the slightest crescent in the sky, as i was born right after a new moon. black except for a sliver of light.

then, uranus, which my moon can't see. uranus which is also conjunct my mars. i'm sudden and erratic sometimes and slightly prone to emotional outbursts, and my blood boils. and i say mean things. it's destructive. uranus can be destructive. and mars is just the warrior. it's gone as soon as it comes on. they are never unprovoked, though... and that's where i see the inconjunct. it's something i can't connect, or struggle to, rather. that part of me with my dark moon. getting a glimpse of something there, usually to do with a significant other, that they're not telling me. i always pick the emotionally unavailable types... which is why i was thinking of uranus and the moon in the first place. in relationships, and how it adds a dimension of just not knowing. thinking you do, but then you pull back or the other pulls back and it's just... unsettling.

i know that i have a degree of this as well. most likely why i attract it.

so far the steps i see to overcoming it (and these are very preliminary): speaking. or writing. or just thinking. quiet. not expecting mind reading on either side, aka not assuming. for me, specifically: not exploding. waiting to speak. writing before speaking, to clear out all the shit from my veins. in other words... outlets.

how's your uranus/moon treating you? or... how are you treating it?

edited to add this excellent article on the moon, uranus, and relationships: sasstrology