08 July 2012

early bird

it's what i am today. also yesterday- woke up hours before my boys, they are still sleeping as i write this. however, the fact that i decided to do something productive with this rare time most likely means that someone will come out into my writing space any time now... 

it's a gorgeous morning. my desk faces a window, and out it i can see the pale moon in the blue sky, see a green, green field and trees, and hear some birds and other critters running around. oh, and my coffee just finished being made, so.

what's up today? moon in pisces, 17* now, so a little more than halfway through. this makes a nice trine to the sun as i type this. the sun is our true self, the moon our hidden, emotional self, so when they trine- either by transit, or if you have this aspect in your chart- it's harmonious. your wants and needs match up, you feel comfortable with yourself and have a strong sense of self. and right now, i feel oddly calm and awake for 8:23am on a sunday. 

i've been thinking about shadow sides (polarities, aka opposite signs) somewhat lately, and how i am affected by mine. i'm a pisces and so my polarity is virgo- i talked about this once here. it's funny because for so long i wasn't aware of the virgo side of me at all. i just couldn't relate because it wasn't there, or so i thought. then, when mars the past 6 months has been in and out of my 12th house, which is ruled by virgo, i started... seeing it. i couldn't not see it. something that had been hidden (12th house rules this), had been revealed. and now it's there, and i'm working with it. trying to. never realized how controlling i could be, how detail-oriented, scrutinizing, fault-finding, obsessive, and such a perfectionist i could be (the detrimental kind, where you feel defeated all the time).

 (and yes, these are all lower qualities of virgo itself. the higher qualities of virgo are amazing- selfless service, nurturing others, spiritual, focus on health, manifesting their visions for themselves and the world. and i feel like virgo is also a transformational sign. they can go through hell and come back with the same positive outlook, just wiser. oh, and they're also known for having an insane work ethic. i love virgos!)

so i'm trying to transform some of these lower qualities into higher ones, and it is a bitch. but i'm thankful to see it. thankful to see the start of the roots. i realize that anxiety fuels much of this. the other night while laying down in bed but before sleep i cleared my chakras, which helped, but i could still feel anxiety in there. so i started taking deep breaths, and i pinpointed it. the very front of my stomach felt this very tangible anxiety. so i breathed very deeply into that space, visualizing the breaths dissolving it. then i did a short visualization of pulling the cord of anxiety out from that place (my virgo sister-in-law just took a class where she learned, among other things, how to cut cords and she taught me how to do it). right after i did it, i got a sudden jolt in my right forearm. like, it actually hurt a bit, but was very quickly gone. and it helped. meditation is healing, and i know how much i benefit from it, but i still don't do it every day. 

anyway- that was a tangent. i was going to say, i have to keep reminding myself to step back a bit, relax, not get riled up. because it is futile. and so, writing more. photography more. attempting to create/find a meaningful job. 

i think next time i will write a little bit about chakras. also, i have a post that i'm working on that isn't coming to fruition as quickly as i thought it would that's about a card reading i did. en route. 

i think that's all for now. enjoy this day, wherever you are.

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